so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
