I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
