I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
