i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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