it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
