Your tits are I can't wait for
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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