Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
