Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
