I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
