he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
