His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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