is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
