I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
