this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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