I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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