literally had 100 drinks last night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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