can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
