Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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