I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
