i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
