the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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