North Korea, Best Korea!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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