The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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