I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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