All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
