Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize