You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
