So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
