Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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