Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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