im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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