Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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