Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
