I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
