hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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