when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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