So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
