My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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