Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
