I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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