I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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