did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
