Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
