before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
