I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
