I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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