Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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