I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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