we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
