So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
