he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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